Saturday 4 August 2012

To fake or not to fake that is the question!

I am what I call a "Pale Warrior".  Think of that Nicola Roberts from Girls Aloud or maybe a shade darker like Casper the friendly ghost and you have got a good idea of me colourings.  I have not been blessed with the fit dark looks of Catherine Zeta Jones even though we are both Welshies (raging I am).  When me friends say we are going out I raise me eyes not because I dont want to go (haha dont be silly im a social butterly) but because I know I am going to have to spend hours changing colour shade from looking like I spent a week in Rhyl to a week in Turkey on a heatwave. Its not easy but im a girl and we like a challenge.  In those days where I was a beginner I tried the 7 minute holiday also known as a sunbed.  I had all the warnings but I took no notice and went ahead until the day I had a panic attack in the stand up one and thought id gone blind.  Then I realised me goggles were still on.  I knew then it was self application for me cuz I could not of been assed going through them hassles on a daily.

Depending on what night il be dancing the Grease megamix I begin with 26 gallons of moisturiser rubbed in so I feel like a basted chicken going in the oven. Then its time for the tan which smells wierd and makes me look like I have not washed in three weeks.  By this time us girls look right sites but we keep on going anyway putting more on incase we still look 'white'. Then I add another layer for luck (really its cuz I know me mates do it and who is DARKEST wins). Mouthy Sam always go wrong with this though cuz she forgets to do all over with the luck layer and her arms are always darker then her legs. She reminds me of one of those dip dye dresses. Then comes walking like your doing the monster mash dance as you hobble to do ANYTHING. Keeping your head up like when you do the doggy paddle save having a neck line. Looking at your tanning mit after all this agro you realise it could be mistaken for being burned on a fire its thats black.  Thats how you know you have done a good job and put enough on your actual body.  Its hard work and lads deffo would not be able to cope. As a little guide for those who may read this blog and have never tanned/want to tan cuz you are also a pale warrior here is my little list of tried and tested.

ST MORITZ
There is nothing saint about this crap in a bottle.  Cheap, Bargain bin makes you look  like a washed out brown rag. Makes you itch like a cat sitting on a nest of fleas. URGH

GARNIER SUBLIME
A step up of from above but still not Welsh style good. It streaks if you dont rub it in like a friggin maniac getting a sweat on.  Too much like hard work.

FAKE BAKE
Well obv I was expecting major tan miracles but I did not get them.  Its good but not amazing. And if you are a fake tan newbie then leave this till you are more experienced. (I make em sound like a man)

LAURENS WAY GRADUAL TAN
That bird out of TOWIE has brought this out.  Its not bad. You dont need a lot cuz I caked it on and ended up looking like a lindt chocolate bunny. Doesnt streak. Smells nice not like a rich tea...maybe a hobnob.

CELEBRITY BRONZE TAN IN A CAN
By that other chick Maria Fowler from TOWIE. I gota be honest this is me favourite.  Went on well nice and smells like something you want to smell of not a product of cadburys/mcvities. And you dont have to do the monster mash dance and you look better then your mates WIN WIN!

Now go forth and be tanned or tell me your horror stories!!

@welshgirl6

peace x

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